MySpace Craze

The MySpace Craze: Should you or should you not allow your child to have one?

By Vicki Courtney

A year ago, I felt like I was the lone voice in the wilderness crying out over the dangers of MySpace.com. I was tipped off to the site by a fellow mom who shared a heart-breaking tale of how a “good girl” in the church youth group had uploaded provocative pictures of herself on her MySpace page. In addition to ruining this young lady’s reputation, it also generated a new breed of online fear among the adults—many of which had only recently mastered email. Out of curiosity, I accessed the site, created a user account (for free) and began researching this new communication tool among teens. Within 10 minutes, I figured out how to do a search of members from my two oldest kids’ high school. What I discovered left me speechless for days. Pictures of some of the “popular kids” downing vodka straight from the bottle, brazen remarks about weekend drinking adventures, and even a picture of one of my daughter’s friends posing in her black lacy bra.

That was a year ago and I have since taken a deep breath and developed a more balanced perspective over the MySpace craze that is sweeping through teen culture. Believe it or not, I have even allowed my almost 16 year-old daughter to have a MySpace, provided she agree to the safety terms I have included at the end of this alert. The two-year-old US-based site now has 50 million registered users, among them about 32 million active ones with about 1/3 of their users being minors. According to MySpace.com, up to 160,000 new members join the site every day. MySpace.com is now the third-most-viewed web site, generating more hits than Google, eBay, AOL and Hotmail. And chances are, it’s where your teen wants to be…or already is.

So, what exactly is the appeal? Remember the thrill of decorating your bedroom, dorm room, or apartment and making it your own? MySpace is a similar concept, enabling its inhabitants to paper the walls of their space with their favorite bands, artwork, a picture album, and an open journal of their ongoing thoughts and dreams. It is a community where grown ups are not welcome. The only problem is that these “spaces” are open to the public and younger children, many of whom have no concept of self-restraint, are moving in large numbers. It’s like taking the door off the hinges and announcing an “open house” to 990+ million online users. Unfortunately, our teens don’t see it that way. And that’s where we come in.

By now, you have probably heard one or more news accounts of predators contacting children and teens on MySpace. This is a real and present danger and should not be minimized. However, is it possible for our teens to participate in the MySpace community in a responsible manner? Honestly, I don’t know. I have told my own daughter that her page is a trial run and that I am evaluating it as we go. She has had her “space” for about three months now and thus far, we have not had any serious issues. And I would certainly know as I have her page bookmarked and check it almost daily. Her page is set to “private” so her information is not accessible to the general public. She has to approve of friends before they are allowed to enter her “space.” With so many pages open to the public (or doors off their hinges), predators are not likely to waste their time on the private pages. Setting it to private sends a message that they are not welcome (boom, door shut). And should someone with malicious intent contact her and pretend to be someone her age, she will not grant entry as we have agreed that she will only use the site to communicate with her friends.

My daughter’s page is rather heart-warming and a reflection of who she is. She lists God among her “interests” in addition to cheerleading, the trampoline, and Full House reruns. Jesus topped of her list of "heroes" and I was thrilled to discover that her father and I also made the list. Her pictures are innocent and full of personality. Her music clip that plays on her homepage is “Bravo God” by worship leader, Jami Smith. When I read her profile, I even discovered a few things I didn’t know about her. Like that she is afraid of thunderstorms and the dark. Or that when it comes to a guy, “she’s not into a boyfriend right now” but if she was she would prefer his eye color be “the oceany blue one.” Even the comments posted by her friends were affirming and innocent. Her friend list includes some girls with very questionable pages, but they refrained from bringing profanities and sexual innuendos to my daughter’s page. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was a reflection of the tone she had set on her own page.

Which begs the question: If used responsibly, is it possible to be a light for Christ in a place where darkness is also present? You don’t have to agree with me, but my parenting philosophy has never been to shelter my kids in such a way that they have no clue how to live in the real world. Rather than toss my baby girl in the deep end when she heads out the door for college and tell her to "sink or swim," I would prefer to join her in the pool while it's still in my own backyard and give her some swim lessons. Having a “My Space” has allowed my daughter to express her faith and she has done so unashamedly. As an extra perk, it has also allowed me to get a good gauge on her friends and help her determine who would make a good “weekday friend” and who would make a good “weekend friend.” For example, one girl invited my daughter to a concert and I told my daughter that I would need to check out her “diary” first because I didn’t know her well. Her bold confession to drinking on her “space” led me to of course, say no. A good “weekday friend,” but not a “weekend friend.” And for that, I am thankful for MySpace. When else in time could you peruse through the diaries of your children’s friends—diaries, mind you, which are open to the public?

I have talked to many caring parents who want to “get in the pool” but are scared out of their wits of the deep end. If you are unsure about MySpace, I encourage you to go on the site and check it out. I have included tools below to help you get into the site and run a search on your child’s school. Of course, the easier way is to simply ask your child if they have a “MySpace” and have them show you their site. If your child has a page or you are considering allowing your child to have a page, I encourage you to register as a user and bookmark their site. I have also included the “MySpace” safety tips below that I went over with my daughter and had her agree to each one before she developed her page. Again, let me emphasize that I am not endorsing MySpace. In fact, if my daughter was eager to be popular, susceptible to peer pressure, or in a rebellious phase, my decision would have been “no” or “wait.” Sometimes, we need to protect our children from themselves.

When it comes to the community blogging sites like MySpace, 1 Chronicles 29:11 sums it up nicely: “Yours, Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the splendor and the majesty, for everything in the heavens and on earth belongs to You. Yours, Lord, is the kingdom, and You are exalted as head over all.” We would all be wise to remember that all space is really “His space.” The challenge is raising teens who treat it as such.

How to enter the MySpace.com community and utilize the search function:

Create a user account on the homepage in order to gain access to the site. You will need to enter basic information such as an email address, first and last name, zip code, gender, and birth date. If you do not feel comfortable using your standard email address, then create an email on hotmail.com or yahoo.com.
Once you are assigned a page (space), fill in as little information as possible. Choose a generic display name. (Ex: I used my dog’s name.)
Click on the “search” feature which is in the upper tool bar, third option from the left.
I suggest first trying the “friend finder” option if you are searching for your child. Try putting their name in and if that doesn’t work, then try their email address. Remember, they may have used a fake name and/or a newly created email (just as you did).
If you are unable to find your child on the “friend finder” option, then try the “classmate finder” option. Put in your child’s school name, country, and state. Sometimes it will say “no school found” and ask you to enter the first letter of your city. Once you do this and click on your city, choose “view all schools” on the next page (last option at bottom of page).
Once you find your child’s school, click on it. For example, when I clicked on my child’s school, it brought up the first of 96 pages of students (current and alumni) from the school. Each page has 10 thumbnail pictures and basic profile information to choose from.
To narrow your search, change the search parameters at the top of the page. For example, say you are searching for your 16 year-old daughter, narrow it down by changing the age from 18 to 16 (if your child is younger, put 16, the minimum age allowable is 14 but many will lie and say they are older.) I would keep the age at 35 simply because some students say they are older. You would then choose “women” and “current” instead of the default “alumni.” When I narrowed the search it reduced the number of pages from 96 to 36 pages.
Now, you are ready to begin your search. You only need to search until you find your child or one of their close friends. By finding even a friend, you will likely find your own child in their friend list. It only took four pages to locate one of my daughter’s friends.
If you find one of your child’s friends, just locate their friend list and click on “view all friends.” Let the fun begin! Look for your child or surf around on their friend’s pages.
Once you locate your child, read their profile, survey answers (pay careful attention to the question about smoking/drinking), click on “view more pics,” and read the posted comments from friends under their friend list. When you click on their pictures, note how friends can comment on their pictures. Click on the picture to view the comments. If you want to get a good gauge on your child’s friends, most users will post their “top eight friends” on the first page. If you surf on their friends’ sites, be sure to check out their pictures and the comments posted on their page. You will likely find your child in those as well.

MySpace Safety tips to go over with your teen

Safety tips are adapted from “Your Boy: Raising a Godly Son in an Ungodly World” (available March 15, 2006) and “TeenVirtue: A Teen Girl’s Guide to Relationships” (available June, 2006)

Consider using the tips below as a sort of an online contract and have your teen initial each tip as a personal pledge to honor the boundaries. Let your teen know that you will be book marking their page and checking the content from time to time. Emphasize that it is not an issue of trust, but rather an issue of safety.

Utilize the privacy controls and set your page to private. Your friends will still be able to locate you and send a request to be added to your friend list. Setting your page to private adds and extra level of protection. It sends a clear message to predators that you do not wish to be contacted by online strangers and that your purpose is to use the site as a means to communicate with your approved friends. Remember, this only adds a level of protection and is not 100% foolproof. If a stalker, predator wants to get on your site bad enough, they can pose to be a friend.

Never share your last name, city, phone numbers, screen name, email address, or other information that make it easy for strangers to identify you or contact you one on one (like in person!).

Read over your profile to see if you have disclosed information that would enable a stalker or predator to track you down. I know this sounds creepy, but try to view your blog objectively through the eyes of someone who may have malicious intent. You can never assume that only “good people” are viewing your profile.

Make sure your pictures are appropriate. Never upload pictures in swimsuits, pj’s, or undergarments. Do not pose suggestively or seductively. It may seem funny to you, but those with malicious intent will misread it.

Limit your friend list to “real friends.” Who needs 500+ online strangers as friends, anyway? If you ask me, it’s a cry for help, a flag to low self-esteem, and a sign that the person has way too much time on their hands.

One in five kids between the ages of 10-17 have been solicited for sex online. If anyone ever makes you feel uncomfortable online, tell your parents! If you receive a sexual solicitation, copy and paste it in an email and send it to CyberTipline.com.

Keep in mind that many colleges, employers, and other organizations are searching MySpace for information about potential students or employees.
Remember that information you delete never really goes away. The pages are archived and many are accessible free of charge to the public. Archive.org has a feature called “Wayback Machine” where you can enter a URL and it will list dates from the time the site was created to its current status. Clicking on a date will transport you back to what the page(s) looked like from the time the site was created. Every time you post something online, it is like leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for anyone who might want to trace your journey back to its starting point—even though you are long gone!

Finally, remind your teen that if they choose to post their information online, it is the equivalent of inviting people into their bedroom and allowing them to rifle through their music collection and read their journals, notes, or diaries. It becomes an open book, available to anyone in the World Wide Web, which last I checked, is a network of about 938,710,929 people. If the thought of mom, dad, grandma, teachers, youth minister, boyfriend or girlfriend’s mom, neighbors, school officials, potential employers, a slew of strangers, and the possibility of creepy predators reading their page makes them a little squeamish (or A LOT!), they might consider going back to the old fashioned diary with a lock and key!

Virtuous Reality Ministries grants permission to cite or quote the “Virtue Alert” electronically or in print as long as the website link (www.VickiCourtney.com or www.VirtueAlert.com) and author (Vicki Courtney) are both cited.