Virtue Alert

Where did the time go?

By: Vicki Courtney

August 17, 2006

I remember when my kids were young and mothers with grown children would impart that familiar cliché’, “Enjoy it while you can. It goes by so very fast.” Based on the number of times I heard the phrase, I knew there must be some truth to it, but it was sure hard to accept when I was in the never-ending diaper bag phase of life. You begin to wonder if you will ever be able to go to the bathroom alone, carry on a grown up conversation, or eat an entire meal without chubby toddler hands grazing off your plate. Eventually, the diaper bag phase transitions to the backpack phase, but time continues to stand still. There are teacher conferences, forms to fill out, lunches to pack, carpools to drive, sibling fights to break up, and late-night runs to the store for poster board for that forgotten school project. I can still recall in vivid detail a melt-down moment I had nearly 10 years ago upon finding out all three of my kids needed costumes for their Christmas programs the next day. I had one night to pull it all together and thanks to my experience with those all-nighters in college, I somehow managed to pull it off. Today, I could manage the three costumes in one night challenge blind-folded with two hands tied behind my back, my car in the shop and tap-dancing all the way to the Goodwill. In fact, its what I do best. “Doing,” that is. And doing, and doing, and doing. And in those moments, you sometimes wonder if the season will ever end.

Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you know it will. The time will come to pack up the car and drop them off at college. For me, that time has come. Last weekend, we loaded up my son’s Ford F-150 and began the two-day caravan from Austin, Texas to Auburn, Alabama—848.25 miles door to door. I map-quested it one day while experiencing a pity-party moment. Weeks out from what I had dubbed as “drop-off day,” I found myself asking over and over again, “Where in the world did the time go?” Like any other mother, my emotions were across the board. On the one hand, I was excited for Ryan and his opportunity to be away from home and enter a new chapter of life. On the other hand, I was sad that Ryan was going to be away from home (far away from home!) and enter a new chapter of life. I actually started practicing for this moment in his junior year of high school (translation: crying my eyes out at the mere thought of the dorm drop-off). My big cry came a couple of weeks ago while tucking Paige in one night. She and Ryan are extremely close and I knew she had to be struggling with the thought of him leaving. Finally, she opened up and shared how much she was going to miss him. I was doing a really good job playing the comforting mom role until she said through choked-back tears, “Mom, the family is never going to be the same.” We cried together and then I prayed with her and returned to bed. When Keith asked in a half-awake state where I had been, I told him what Paige had said and he too, began to cry. I guess we both knew that there was a certain element of truth to her words. I was hoping that I had shed enough tears to pull it together and be a real pillar of strength for my boy by the time the official drop-off day arrived. It didn’t help that he flat out asked me the day before we left, “Mom, you’re not going to have some kind of break-down when we say good-bye, right?”

We arrived at our hotel the night before the assigned morning move-in. Our hotel was right across the street from the campus so we took the opportunity to tour the campus since his dad, brother and sister had never seen it before. We found his dorm and he posed in front while I snapped the picture and swiped away a tear or two. Ah, the benefits of a multi-tasking mom. We went to dinner at a popular pizza joint near campus and Keith jokingly referred to it as “The Last Supper.” I swiped away a few more tears. We prayed with Ryan and I dug in my purse for another tissue. Back at the hotel, right before bedtime, Ryan approached me smiling and said, “Mom, you look like you need a hug.” I will never forget that hug. Maybe because I am usually the one initiating them, so this one was extra special.

The next morning arrived and there was no time for tears. There was a truck to unload and a cold sterile dorm room to metamorphosize into a cozy, albeit temporary home away from home. We met his roommate, suite-mates, and a couple of guys across the hall. I was encouraged to see that his suite-mates had their Bibles out on the window ledge in their room. At one point, Ryan, his new suite-mates, and the guy across the hall acknowledged what a “blessing” it was that God had put them all together at the end of the hall and talked about going to church together. A mother’s prayer answered. More tears. Finally, after a run to Walmart, another unpack, and lunch at another campus hangout, it was time to say good-bye in the parking lot of our hotel. The car was packed and ready for a quick get-away. I had scripted the location the night before as I knew I couldn’t handle a good-bye at the dorm room. One at a time, we hugged Ryan and his dad and I reminded him of how very proud we are about the young man he is becoming. He hugged his dad last and held on a bit longer than normal. I noticed his eyes welling up with tears and knew it was time to make the get-away. As we were driving out of town, Keith and I both sniffled off and on while the two younger kids remained silent in the backseat—probably wondering if the entire 13-hour trip would be this way. It wasn’t. Before long, we were laughing and cutting up again.

So, how in the world does my account of the college drop-off qualify as a “virtue-alert?” It’s moments like this that remind us of why we persevere in raising our kids to know the Author of virtue. Someday, the time will come to release them to the world and they will have to decide whether or not they put into practice the godly training we provided them along the way. It will be up to them to claim Christ for their very own. And that is the challenge my son will face in this new chapter called “college.” In my book, “Your Boy,” I wrote about college being a test of faith for our children. I questioned whether or not my son would set his alarm and get up Sunday morning for church if he didn’t have us around to prod him. I questioned whether or not he would choose friends with the same values and beliefs. I questioned whether or not he would become involved in Christian organizations on campus. I questioned whether or not he would read his Bible and pray. So far, five days into it, we are off to a good start. I spoke with him last night and he talked about the church he and his suite-mate visited last Sunday. He talked about the Thursday night “Encounter” group he was planning to attend this week with his new Christian friends. And he mentioned praying about a situation. Yes, he is off to a good start or shall I say, a God-start. And he has a mom and dad praying in the wings that he will finish strong. My advice to you or my “alert,” so to say? Persevere in the eighteen-year window you have been given to impart God’s love and standards to your children. Oh and one more thing: It really is true—it goes by so very fast, so enjoy it while you can. One day, you will be shaking your head and mumbling, “Where did the time go?”

(Note: You can check out pictures from “drop-off day” in Vicki’s album)