Virtue Alert: August 2005

Back to School Fashion: Got It Covered?

By Vicki Courtney

With summer drawing to an end and fall on the horizon, you’ve probably already heard your girls begging for that mall trip. It’s the dreaded back to school shopping time. Woo-hoo (said of course, in a less than enthusiastic tone). I mean “Mom, everyone’s getting new clothes!” or so my daughter, Paige, recently informed me.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably had your share of frustrating mother-daughter shopping expeditions. To the absolute horror of my daughter, I tend to huff and puff through the Junior’s Department mumbling under my breath (okay, maybe just loud enough for the sales clerks to hear) about the racks of clothes that are more suitable for strippers-in-training. Since when did lacy lingerie become suitable tops?! If my daughter was allowed to wear them, I’d just hand over the stuff I raked in years ago at my lingerie shower!

I know how frustrating it can be trying to find modest, yet fashionable clothes out there. But fret not, fellow Moms! There is hope on the horizon. The new fashion trends are showing lengthened skirts and longer shirts. Recent articles in “The Boston Globe,” “Washington Post,” and others offer further hope that showing skin is sooooo yesterday. Preppy is in—hoochie is out. If only we had saved our Izods! Ultra low-rise jeans and tight, short shirts have found their way to the clearance rack in many stores. I may even pick up a few shirts for my 5 lb. Yorkie in preparation for the cold winter months. Of course, we shouldn’t be surprised by this ‘new’ trend---the waistbands on jeans and v-necks on shirts had nowhere else to go but up! I hate to pre-maturely get my hopes up but Moms, can it be that “virtue is the new vogue?”

Regardless, even with this recent bit of good news, there are still some questionable fashions that beckon for our daughters’ attention. With back to school shopping on our “to do” lists, we can’t let our guard down. We must remain strong and remember why it is important to choose the battle when it comes to our daughters’ wardrobes.

In our national events for middle school and high school girls called YADA YADA, we stage a modesty fashion show and take immodest fashions the girls are seeing in the magazines and “modestfy” them into wholesome trendy replicas. When our live teen models come out in the more “virtuous” adaptations, the girls erupt in applause. And the mothers fall down and call us blessed. It IS possible to be trendy AND modest! In the video piece that opens the fashion show, we polled random guys on the street about modest vs. immodest fashions. One guy went so far as to respond, “I prefer to date a girl who dresses [immodestly], but I’d want to marry a girl who dresses [modestly].” And these weren’t even Christian guys!

In my latest release for teen girls, “TeenVirtue: Real Issues, Real Life…A Teen Girl’s Survival Guide,” we polled Christian guys across the nation and asked this question, “If you could give girls one piece of honest advice, what would it be?”

Here are some of my favorite responses regarding dress:

“I would tell girls that if they knew how guys’ and men’s minds work, they would be more careful about what they wear—like halter tops and shirts showing your belly.” (Corey, 18)

“Some girls need to put more clothes on.” (Jacob, 14)

“I personally would tell girls to be more modest, stop the cursing and remember their morals.” (Caleb, 15)

And my personal favorite:

“If I could give girls one piece of advice, it would be simply to dress modestly and please do not wear tight shirts that show your stomach. Seriously, who wants to see that? Just wear clothes that allow a guy to keep his mind and attention focused on the amazing girl you are on the inside.” (Kyle, 17)

Lest anyone think I’m on a modesty “soapbox” and have no Biblical foundation to support my position, let me offer 3 reasons mothers should draw firm boundaries when it comes to the clothes their daughters wear.

1. God. Girls should be taught early on not to conform to the patterns of this word (Romans 12:2) and their bodies are a temple or a “dwelling place” for Christ (1 Corinthians 6:19). I’m betting some Christian girls have left Him no choice but to apply for Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
   
2. Guys. Many girls are innocent in their intentions and do not realize that by wearing immodest clothing, they invite disrespect from the opposite sex. It is important to note that girls do not "cause" guys to stumble in regard to lust but their clothing choices can certainly pose a challenge for our guys. 1 Timothy 2:9 exhorts women to dress modestly with “decency and propriety.” The Greek word for “propriety” is sophrosune, which means “sanity or soundness of mind.” Let me translate that for you in english-ese: Does your daughter's wardrobe leave the casual observer wondering if she's lost her
   mind? If your daughter has any doubt about guys’ opinions, share the above TeenVirtue quotes with her!
   
3. Self-respect. Many girls dress immodestly to gain attention from guys, while some innocently have bought into the current immodest fashion trend without seeing the harm. Just like a label on a product, our girls need to know that their clothes make a statement. A statement, perhaps, that is not a true reflection of their hearts--- one they never intended to send.

That said, here are some practical tips to incorporate modesty into your daughter’s wardrobe and make the back to school shopping experience as painless as possible:

1. Before the shopping trip, set firm standards with your daughter regarding types of clothing that is inappropriate. Come up with some helpful guidelines to follow when selecting clothes. For example, t-shirts cover your waistband, no cleavage showing, no exposed bra straps, no micro-minis, and no jeans tight enough to see the date of a dime in your back pocket. And Lord have mercy, I know I speak on behalf of those of us with sons—WEAR A BRA!
   

Always explain the why behind the guidelines you have set. That goes beyond the standard, “Because I said so!” Setting clear standards now, before back to school shopping, will prevent you from becoming “fashion police” when your daughter is leaving the house. Not to mention, it may eliminate some embarrassing knock-down drag-outs in the store.

1. Consider adapting some of the immodest trends to make them modest. For example, layering works well to cover exposed skin, but still maintains the fashionable look. Or, consider adding a jacket/shirt over a revealing top. Remember, a camisole is your new best friend!
   

1. Above all else, remind your daughter that her clothing choices are a reflection of her heart and intentions. Encourage her to get in the habit of doing a dressing room mirror check and ask herself “Would I be comfortable standing before God in this outfit?”

Remember Mom, as I said in my “Your Girl” book, you are called to be your daughter’s mom first and then her friend. Trends come and go and the shopping battles are only for a season. There just may come a day when your daughter calls you to vent her woes about back to school shopping with your grand-daughter(s). And you will listen, and empathize, and smile ever so slightly as you assure her that everything will be okay. As you hang up the phone, you will mumble a prayer for her and your granddaughter(s). And then you will return to sipping your chamomile tea and reading your favorite novel. As my own mother used to say, “This too shall pass.” Until then, we have a job to do. As for me, it’s off to the mall. Wish me luck.